Approach anxiety: the enemy of all free men and the enemy of the game. All men have it, but few conquer and tame it. Approach anxiety is a fear, a phobia, something that cannot be eliminated, but with proper handling and some tweaking of your mindset, can be controlled.
There are many philosophies and stupid treatments to handle approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? 100’s and months of cold approaches? Count to five and play question games in your mind? Hypnotherapy? Magic ? Come on… There are no quick fixes nor is there any one proven method to handle this enemy of humanity. It is difficult to acknowledge but there is actually just one method to conquer approach anxiety. That is to alter your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you ever heard and read. They’re all complicated nonsense. Below are the only things you need to know to handle approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you
Beautiful women don’t make you anxious, you make yourself anxious. Women don’t by themselves emit some gamma ray that makes you feel nauseous, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias creates a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching a pretty woman.
2) The volume of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your skill and the difficulty of the task.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of “being in state” or “being in the zone.” Being in Flow, state, or the zone simply is having the perceived level of skill in an activity equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge /skill balance, you experience flow /state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you have to change your understanding of ability or your perception of the challenge.
If your perceived skill level matched the perceived challenge level for seducing a woman, you would be in Flow every time you approached a woman. But if you’re experiencing approach anxiety, it is because your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived skill. So it stands to reason that if you want to overcome approach anxiety, you need to change either the perceived challenge level or your perceived skill level.
4) Trying to change your ability level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed solution.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and try to increase your skill level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed method to overcome approach anxiety because if you rely on other people’s responses to change your perception of your current skill level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, but what happens when it doesn’t? What happens when some girl doesn’t want to talk to you? Then you’re right back at square one again – massive approach anxiety because you perceive your skill to be less than the perceived challenge level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you have to alter the perceived difficulty.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you’re experiencing anxiety then it’s clear you’re trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range – like trying to make her attracted to you.
However, if you alter your purpose to something achievable, then the perceived difficulty will drop and so will the anxiety. If you alter your purpose to: “just have an interesting conversation,” then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived ability range.
All you need to do is change the frame of your mindset from the extremely stressful “I’m gonna make her attracted to me” to the innocuous “I’m just gonna have a friendly talk with her.” This doesn’t put any expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection since you’re not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot woman.
You’ll never overcome the opening phase if you don’t overcome approach anxiety. Without the opening, you cannot reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But once again, you can read about theory and how-to’s all day till Sunday but nothing will transpire if you do not go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have many friendly, enjoyable conversations with pretty women…